i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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