I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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