i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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