I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
