I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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