Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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