i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
