I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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