don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
