I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you.
Bad choice
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
