go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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