Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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