If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
