Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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