I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
