Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
