My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
