She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
