What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
