We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
