There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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