I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
