Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
