I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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