11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
