I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
