he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's great music for shaving your balls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize