Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
