i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
