my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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