my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
