I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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