Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
