The maid of honor just puked.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
