I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
