Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
