Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
