Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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