Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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