Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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