wanna go halves on a baby?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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