i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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