I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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