his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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