So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
