It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
