perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This toilet bowl is my home.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
