The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
