Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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