who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
