When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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