Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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