If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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