So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
organizing the empties. That sober.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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