There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
