and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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