oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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