It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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