dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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