I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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