i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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