I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
