I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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