Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
