You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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