bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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