Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
