No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
