He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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