I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
