He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
