my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
