it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
