Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
