Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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