my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
