Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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