Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
