i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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