they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
